Sometimes, it’s all I can do…

I recently bought a “5 year, one line journal,” that I saw somewhere online, and thought it was awesome. I’m not going to lie, I bought it with the hope in my mind that I will be able to chronicle a healthy pregnancy. This journal is cool because it only has space for a few lines to write about the day. The other cool thing is that each page has only one date on it. So when I started it on October 17th, 2012, I flipped to the part of the book that was October 17th and wrote my few lines about the day. Then, next year, on October 17th, my entry will be right below that one.
I think this will be cool for many reasons. One of them is that I can see if there are patterns in my emotions, motivations, and general mood. Also, it will be fun to look back and see where I was the year before on the very same day. The book is really cute, too. It’s blue, with gold embossing on the edge of the pages. (I think that is what it is called.) And it is small. I would take a picture and post it, but it is all the way upstairs, and I am downstairs. ha ha.
Maybe tomorrow.

Anyway, the reason I am talking about this journal is because I was filling out my entry from yesterday. And it made me laugh. Because the only thing I could think to write that I considered an accomplishment is that I counted and stayed in my calorie count on Fitness Pal. I didn’t do any dishes, I cooked a crappy dinner, I didn’t exercise, I didn’t do much work, I took a nap after school, then just sat around. And as I was reflecting on this and writing in my journal, I thought about my struggle with food addiction.
And I realized that sometimes, counting calories, and staying within my limits, and not binging is all I can do.

There will be more days where this will be all I can do.

And that’s ok.

Have a good night,
Beth WA

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